I Was Crying Today

I was crying just now. Not a major event by any means for a person suffering from an emotional illness. I've been known to cry at movies at the drop of a hat. I've cried at Facebook videos, Old Timers Day at Yankee Stadium, 12-Step shares, Pavarotti singing “Nessun Dorma” and many other unexpected occasions. It was always convenient to blame this unmanly quality on emotional “issues”. I liked being a drunk because people expected a drunk to cry simply during a Budweiser commercial at Christmas time or especially when the tap ran dry. I perfected the veiling of my tears as best I could as a pathological gambler but the tears were internal.

Today was different. Today, I stand solid in a healthy emotional state. I can say I am emotionally sober and spiritually sound. I am no longer under the tyranny of addiction or spiritual misunderstanding. So why was I crying today?

I was walking the harbor listening on my headphones to the acoustic version of Seal’s “Kissed by a Rose”. Great song, but it was not alone to blame for these tears. These tears had a different source. These tears had a new thought stream attached. Although channeled through the same body/mind, these tears were from a place of love and understanding. These were tears of happiness.

There's nothing to worry about I thought. There's nothing to be afraid of. There's no regrets. Everything still needing to be accomplished will be accomplished. Every purpose will be fulfilled. The choreographic sequence to date has not been flawed. My spiritual translator has been successful at guiding me clearly and directly to my Self, my true nature...the knowing presence of awareness. I've been re-taught happiness. I've been re-educated on love. I now know knowing which pervades all experience. I now know peace not elusive.

These tears were happiness and love being expressed downstream. The mind had, at that moment, requested affirmation from awareness that no body/mind illness could prevail over my true nature. The body mind has a job to do through intuition. It has a script to perform at the urging of God’s infinite being. There is no medical test or threat of death or event or object or relationship or activity that can interrupt my direct path to this experience of knowing.

The inherent peace of my true nature is always found in the background of my experience. Always.

I was crying today for love, beauty and peace. Thank you tears.